It seems that everywhere I go these days, I find a glowing woman resting had hands atop a round, round belly, walking with a waddle that signifies a change to come - soon. I assume many of these women have spent the last few months preparing for the arrival of there soon to be born babies and perhaps some have had baby showers thrown in their honor. Baby showers are a fun and often silly, light hearted celebration of the baby to be born. The games, gifts and conversation are all centered upon who he or she will be, what they will do. However, the baby shower doesn't acknowledge the change that the woman is going through, becoming a mother for the first time , or a mother to more than one (or two...), hence the Blessingway Ceremony.
The Blessingway is a rite of passage marking the magnificent transition occurring in a woman's life when she becomes a mother. It is a ceremony for the mother and attended by the women she is the closest to (sorry co-workers and random associates). Some women like to include their partners in the pre-baby celebrations, and that's wonderful and encouraged, but the Blessingway is a woman only event- invite the guys and children to the after party.
There is no formula for a Blessingway, though there are some elements that are often included. You can pick and choose the elements that speak to you and tailor a celebration that fits your style, wants and needs. Though this is not a religious ceremony and has nothing to do with belief systems, religious denominations and the like. IN this ceremony, you are creating a sacred space in which to celebrate and honor the mother to be in her rite of passage to motherhood and to support her in what ever she needs during your ceremony time. Here I will discuss the various elements and options for a Blessingway, but remember, you can be as creative as you want.
Creating a Blessingway Ceremony:
The Guest List
As noted above, this is a ceremony for only the closest friends and family. Lap babies are usually ok but older children should only attend if they can remain quiet and seated for a long period of time. Men, younger children and other friends can attend the "after party".
Sacred Space
It is usually a good idea to include the mother to be in the preparations for the ceremony, though it is usually hosted by a midwife or trusted friend / family member. It can be held in her home or that of a friend, though public spaces are probably not the best choice. Choose a location will everyone will be comfortable, since the ceremony can last anywhere from 1- 3 hours. The women will be seated in a circle, with the mother to be at the head of the circle. Make sure you have seating appropriate for all attending (age, health, pregnant, etc). Fill the space with candles, flowers, scents, or anything that makes the space both celebratory and sacred. Some women like to make an alter. If this is her desire, make sure you have the appropriate space and supplies, including a box or something for her to take it home in, if the Blessingway is not held in her home.
Warming Up
As the guests arrive, finger foods and tea, wine or other beverages are offered to allow everyone to arrive and get acquainted before the ceremony begins. Because the ceremony can take some time, try to keep the meet and greet time to a minimum.
The Ceremony
Creating the Circle
You are creating sacred space and the way that you do that can be done in a variety of ways. Some women like to enter under a tunnel of their friends interlaced arms, as if being birthed into the circle. Some women just prefer to have everyone head into the living room and form the circle without the tunnel. Once seated, you may call in the directions, if you are comfortable with that, asking the spirits to help you form and protect your sacred space during the course of the ceremony . The directions are hailed giving an attribute to each that in relation to women and birth. For example:
Spirit of the East - of new beginnings, spring, babies, new love, the new role of the mother to be, shedding her past self and emerging a new woman.
Spirit of the South - of passion and fire, of birth, strength, desire
Spirit of the West - of water and the womb
Spirit of the oath - of ancient wisdom, ancestors, thousands of years of women giving birth
during this time you can cleanse each women around the circle with sage, or a spritz of flower water etc.
Honoring your Connections and Each other
The host will ask each guest to take turns around the circle speaking to their relationship with the mother to be, how they met, how long they have known each other etc. It is fun to their the stories that connect each woman to the mother.
Wishes
Often the guests are asked to bring a bead or a stone, pendent, or other trinket that will be made into something later. In turn, each woman takes a turn around the circle making a wish for the mother, the new baby and/ or the family, infusing that wish into their object. For example you might wish for a quick birth, a healthy baby, an easy labor, a good sleeper, rest and private time for the new family. The objects can be turned in to necklaces, bracelets, set into stepping stones or placed upon an alter after the ceremony is over. We have done stepping stones for each of our children and made them at the after party pot luck so that the children could participate.
Candles
Some mothers like to ask that each guest also bring a candle for her to light during her labor, letting her have the strength and love of the women in her life as a glowing reminder in her birthing experience. If you wish, you can also bless with candles with a wish, or just simply set them aside for her.
Transition
To signify the transition of woman to mother or mother again, the women in the circle brush and restyle the mother to be's hair differently than what it was when she arrived, or by brushing an adorning her with a flower wreath, ribbons of other accoutrements.
Next, she is seated in a chair and given an herbal footpath, one or two women massaging her feet in the hot water. When she is done and her feet are dried, they are then rubbed with cornmeal, a symbol of fertility. This last part is usually done by either the next women to give birth, or anyone wanting to have a child, though, anyone is welcome to do it.
Making a Web
Lastly, a ball of yarn is presented to the mother, who winds it around her wrist (and without cutting it) passes it to the woman next to her, who winds it around her wrist and passes it until everyone in the circle is connected to the one piece of yarn. This ritual is symbolic of our connectedness as women. We are giving her our strength and support as she journeys into birth and motherhood. When the "web" is complete (and this is a little tricky), you cut the yarn on either side of you and tie the piece around your wrist into a bracelet. It is said that the yarn may loosen and perhaps even fall off of the guests wrists when their friend goes into labor (though I've never experienced it).
Closing the Circle
To end the ceremony, you can dismiss the directions (if you called them in the beginning) thanking each one for the attributes they offer, or just simply thank the guests for participating in such a special gathering.
The After Party
Food and refreshments are served afterward to give everyone a chance to settle back into "normal" life again. Spouses and children may attend, or this can be an opportune moment to allow guest who can't stay for the whole event, to slip out quietly.
These are just a few ideas to help you create a special gathering for the wonderful women and mothers in your life. Many books have been written on the topic to offer further ideas, though most have these main elements, with other elements added. I hope that you will honor the women in your life with such a special celebration.
Blessed Be!
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